

In my idle hands, I tossed the paper brigantine that had been folded my cousin’s exact way. I was staying at my uncle’s chateau that sticky summer. I was thirteen; she was almost twenty. I had watched her slender fingers as she marked, creased, and flattened the boat she’d promised to shape, and as she preened, and perfumed her earlobes, wrists, and neck.
When I asked her to resume the Italian lessons she had taught me the summer before, she gave me a small painting: the Sacred Heart in a bracelet of thorns. In her room again, she pinned her curls, and puckered her dark red mouth. She kissed the air, practicing for her beau, a
*
For my confirmation, she gave me Bossuet’s Elevation of the Soul. Flint struck steel. Although my faith rose like a flame, I had nothing to feed it. My life was all green wood and gangly limbs that I roused, refused to prune.
*
I stole my cousin’s hair ribbons, braided and knotted them to form a multicolored snake. I loaded her toy boat with ants, set it afloat on my uncle's fishpond, and then angled a magnifying lens to catch the sun, and filled the boat’s paper folds with wisps of fire. Why did I feel the heat, as if I was beneath that lens, weak as paper, smoldering like a stick? I leapt to my feet, shucked off my clothes. Diving into the pond, I scared two carp that were pale as lard, and whiskery, and fat as my arm.
Staying under, I watched the alchemy of displaced
water—water that clouded as my toes wiggled, and sunk into the muck,
and then stirred and stirred.
n oaf with beefsteak hands, who spoke to her in grunts and burps.